I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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