I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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