I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
