Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize