i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
