hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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