I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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