I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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