Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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