his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
