I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
