remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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