Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
