i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
