I wanna passion pit in your ass
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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