Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
