Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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