The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
