I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
