1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
