Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
