its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
