Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
