I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
