I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
