Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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