I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
