the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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