I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
