I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
