In America we eat man semen.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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