Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
