You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
