Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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