new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
