what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Michael Bay diarrhea
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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