Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
