I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
