Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
