you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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