Only a mothe r could love this liver
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
