ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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