The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
