look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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