You made me cry and you don't even care
youre lurking in front of me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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