As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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