I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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