I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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