Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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