My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
