dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
