I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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