How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
