If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
