I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
