i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
