Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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