you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
